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Who: Buggy & Ben
Where: potentially near a cave or perhaps a rock

[[ It doesn't matter what Buggy was doing that got him out into the middle of nowhere in the first place. That's buggibusiness and if it was your business you'd already know what was up. What matters is that instead of what Buggy was doing, what Buggy actually did was some protagonist-assed shit where he miraculously and flashily survived a fall that would have been surely fatal for a less magnificent spectacle of masculinity or fuckever, and discovered some dead guy's stash of shit including a fat sack of caps, and saved his own ass from a mineshaft that was probably fucking haunted because his dumbass useless crew didn't even get there before he DIY'd it. Just another day for Captain Buggy, you know. Just normal shit, because he's cool all the time. ]]

[[ It only matters what Buggy is doing right this minute if you're, like, a ghost that followed him out of the stupid mineshaft, because nobody else seems to be around. And what he's doing right this minute is talking to himself. To keep himself sane, you know. Because the exit he found out of the stupid mineshaft was nowhere near any shit he even vaguely recognized and his flashy ass is currently... not lost... maybe misplaced? Gotta figure out how to spin this when he inevitably manages to save his own ass a second time and make it home to yell at the crew for leaving him out here. ]]

[[ So what we have here is a Pathetic Man with a Big Red Nose and a Fat Sack of Caps that he is determinedly dragging along with him because like hell can he go home empty-handed and he is Talking To Himself and he sounds So Normal and Definitely Not Hoarse and 1/3 Dead (estimated). and he is a Natural Blunette in case any disbelievers get a glimpse of his 3 days beard ]]

and the fuck of it is, Fat Sack of Caps, you really are my only friend

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[don't ask the proximity the haunted mineshaft has to Ben's rock, just know that he comes out here to be alone and not cry, and that's when he sees someone with a very flashy head of blue hair, and recalls that most of the raiders are bald. so he'd investigated.

Somewhere in the Force there's a tinge of amusement, of all the people to be out here, it's that damn clown, isn't it. so, sighing, covered from head to toe in scratchy clothes that mostly keep the sand out, he crosses Buggy's path]

I wouldn't be advertising that around here, friend. Or anywhere.

[[ the clown has knives and no idea who this guy is, so now he has knives and a grin which looks creepy and predatory when he's properly hydrated and wearing his makeup. who knows how it hits now, he hasn't been looking in his emergency compact mirror since the day his emergency lipstick melted. i mean if we're being fully honest he's not really looking like he's physically up for much of a fight either way but he's gotta posture ]]

See, then somebody comes out to meet us, and we follow their trail back to other shit! Wait, Fat Sack of Caps, is this guy our friend?

[[ he actually starts to turn and check like Fat Sack of Caps is gonna have an opinion. that's not a clowning bit, that's the fact that somebody's had too much sun. he catches himself but the other guy COULDA totally murdered him in that moment of idiocy ]]

[it hits like a sad, bearded clown, and it's blue, so either he's painted it out here in the middle of nowhere or it's actually natural.

he sighs, waving a hand and allowing the fat sack of caps to fall from Buggy's hand]

We aren't friends, but we aren't enemies either. You look to be in a bad way. Your circus is far from here, isn't it?

[[ if posturing fails, then go to what you wanna call deescalation tactics because that sounds better than getting real pathetic cuz they wouldn't hit a birthday boy. whatever the fuck just happened with his best friend, Fat Sack of Caps, is probably more sun-addled shit so the important thing is the knives? gone like they were never there. he's never even seen a sharp object in his life. he's not even all that emotionally attached to Fat Sack of Caps here. they could open up that relationship no problem ]]

[[ empty hands up, sad-assed (and literally painful from the fucking sunburn on his fucking cheeks) attempt at his patented and well-known Buggy's Friendly Grin ]]

Pally, if I knew where they were, I'd know where we are

[that friendly grin is like the grimace of a man passing the biggest log of the century, the log the size of the nuke that decimated the world. behind his protective garb, Ben squints, checking with his senses for any pain within Buggy to make that face-- nnnope, that's just his face. right.

he sighs a little.] It's very far from here, Buggy. However did you end up out here?

How the - oh. Right, of course you know me, I'm famous. But who the hell are -

[[ magnificently flashy mind ]]

WAIT.

[[ he's still got his gloves. they're dirty as hell but he's got em. once again this is not a clowning bit, this is just a Buggy mannerism when he ain't on stage: hands over his mouth giggling. the giggling is kinda silent and making him cough a little right now because he's not fucking properly hydrated after all his fucking advice about it ]]

are you -

[[ one hand leaves his face to point at a random rock in the distance ]]

IS THAT YOUR ROCK

[force help him, he's even more mad in person. Ben would regret this, but he couldn't exactly leave the clown out here to die to the elements, or geckos or something of the like.

he rolls his eyes skyward, you can probably see it through his face covering]

That isn't my rock specifically, no. But I do have lodgings nearby. And you shouldn't be here.

This is ... fucking magnificent ...

[[ he's doubled over with one hand on his knee coughing like he just honked the fuckin bobo but his other hand is waving that he's fine ]]

You're real, right? I would not imagine you while I was dying in the fucking desert. I would imagine like... arroyo full of a crowd all waiting in mournful anticipation and shit. Holy fuck, this is magnificent if true. The only thing better than running into you woulda been running into somebody else.

No offense!

[Buggy's going through it, obviously. Out in the middle of nowhere, dehydrated, confused and away from his crew.

he snorts at the mention of seeing him as a hallucination]

I'd be flattered if you saw me as a hallucination...but no, I'm truly here. We need to get you out of here.

[ you know he's going through it because he said the words "no offense" preemptively ]

You know what, take me to a secondary location. I'm literally so nicies and you should let me under your rock where the little dripdrops of water come down

You're not coming to my abode. I'll take you somewhere else, give you some water.

[he eyes Buggy again, pulling some of the covering from his face aside so he can squint at him]

Can you walk for much longer, or do you wish to rest?

[ repeated with a gaze-to-the-distance Fake Awe. so impressive this word, waow ]

His abode...

Hey, don't squint at me, you dustmop. Too good to let me into your abode but you'll squint at me? I'm literally fine. How far wouldja say this some water is?

[ rest for a minute or get to the some water faster... it's like going through the breadbox when you're living on a boat... choosing the lesser of two weevils... ]

[keeps squinting, but then his brows raise archly:] It's quite bright, and I don't mean your hair.

[but moving on also, he sighs] If you think you can manage, let's head out, then.

[he literally isn't even arguing. lead him to the some water]

[with dawning horror:] I bet my hair is fuckin wrecked. When I get home: emergency leave-in conditioner in the go bag. Woulda just broke the bottle when I fell in the hole, though.

[a weak wheezy clown honk can perhaps be felt in the force. he is honor bound to try to annoy this guy as much as possible at every moment, isn't he? isn't that what he randomly decided already so now it's true?]

Hey, you know I'm breaking the first rule right now. Never let 'em take you to a secondary location. Gonna have to demote myself back to Raider Prince

[While he's relieved he won't have to drag Buggy to safety unconscious, he could do without the general clowness of him, the Buggyness.

he sighs loudly as they walk, the sun is bright and high in the sky, and it's quiet, at least...besides the clown]

I'm not taking you at gun point. If you'd like to go elsewhere, you can...but rest assured, there's nothing else for miles.

I know! I saw some of it! The nothing. Hashtag my nothing.

[and this is low-energy bugginess! Buggy's head has stopped pounding and started just fitting his (magnificently flashy) brain too tight in all directions at all times, but he's gotta make this guy hate him if it fucking kills him.]

The backup rock in the hashtag nothing, where we go when we get tired of the nothing and we wanna see the nothing for a change. You turn left in the middle of nowhere and then you go somewhere else instead. I'm literally fine by the way so don't worry about me

[wants to ask what this whole hashtag thing is....but refrains. Ben still holds control over his patience, his temper. and besides, this is an emergency, and Ben works efficiently and calmly in emergencies.]

I'm not overly worried. I just don't want you dying out here and bringing your friends' out, looking for you.

You could be a little worried!

I could be, certainly.

[ Buggy sticks his dried up nasty ol tongue out at him like grownups do ]

They better not come after me. They'll probably fall in the fucking hole too and I won't be there to lead em out.

And that'll leave more work for me, as well, having to dig them out. [Ben is many things but mature is one of them, so he refrains from giving a rude gesture in return]

You'll be fine. Some shit'll eat 'em. You'll never even know they were there.

[glum clown sad thoughts. his mid-ass sucky loyal followers 8C ]

And what'll the rest of 'em do without me? Some shit'll eat them too...

They won't be eaten. Well, not immediately. But I don't suppose that bothers you, hmmm?

[a teasing lilt to his voice; obviously Buggy is bothered!!]

Yeah, no, they'll fuckin The Show Must Go On that shit and next thing you know they're camping out over where them fucking cannibal clans are, you know? My fuckin mooks'll end up in the fuckin hot dogs...

[one foot in front of the other. we're actually way too flashy to die in such a stupid way.]

Are we there yet?

I know. [he says easily, because if Buggy is like this, then it makes sense his crew will be like...that.]

Another few minutes. Here, have some water. [he offers a flask]

help me fat sack of caps ur my only hoe

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so polite of ben not to notice the nose even in his own narrative :3

oh he notices, thats how he knows its buggy for SURE and not just some idiot w/blue hair

so polite of him not to mention it tho lol. godddd i died at that fucking log bit and now im dead

brings u back!!!

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and away from his crew... nobody to look after him... nobody to listen when he talks...

poor baby!!! so tortured

the lesser of two weevils is my favorite fucking pun. shoutout to patrick o'brien

lesser? are u sure

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